Wednesday, April 10, 2013

James Franco and Anne Hathaway Should Marry

Why? It's a eugenics experiment to see if insufferable smugness is genetic.

I really can't stand either of these people. The French (at least the Quebecois) have an expression I can't spell in French, the translation is "a face to smack". Some people have faces made to smack. There's no particular reason, you just want to smack them. On the face. For me, it's often Gingers.

James Franco is the example I use most frequently when trying to illustrate the face to smack. Every time I see him I want to stick my arm through the screen and smack him. Wipe that smug, self-satisfied little smirk right off his face. He could make a very good career playing people who get beat up frequently - those would be movies I would pay to see. Unfortunately he is already making a very good career. Doing whatever he does. Which seems to be getting high and smirking at the camera.

Anne Hathaway is also insufferably self-satisfied. I hesitate to say she has a face to smack because society has a pretty low opinion of men who smack women (and rightly so). Ideally, I'd have a female compatriot who could smack her while I smack James Franco. My niece has volunteered for this position should it ever become available.

The infuriating thing about both of them is people seem to like them. This is particularly disturbing to me in the case of Mr. Franco. My favourite blogger (Annie Choi from AnnieTown) has gone so far as to admit fancying Franco. This is so completely beyond my comprehension I sometimes think she must have his name confused with someone else - like the dude who played Thor. I hear a lot of women think he's hot. Ok, he's hot as hell. I'm straight but that guy is sexy as fuck.

I hope you aren't expecting anything intelligent from this post. If you are prepare to be disappointed. I have nothing smart to say on this subject. There are two celebrities I think deserve to be slapped. That's it. Nothing more.

Except this. According to the internet (so this might be totally untrue) a professor was ordered to pass Franco in his class despite Franco missing almost all the lectures. Everybody knows Franco is making some kind of name for himself as an intellectual celebrity by going to about 15 schools at once. I'd be a lot more impressed if he graduated from one but that's me. Still, it bugs the fuck out of me that a prof would be ordered by the administration not to fail a stoner jackass just because the papers might print a story about it. Why not just capitulate totally and give him a PhD? Fuck, give him five and pretend he earned them all. That will get in the papers!

I guess I should add I am deeply conflicted about the new Franco movie, This is the End. It looks really funny. I can't see it in a theatre because I'll need one of those hand-held blow horns for whenever Franco talks - and that will kind of ruin the experience for others. Maybe someone will be kind enough to make an edit with all the Franco bits cut out. Or with his voice removed and replaced with subtitles. That would be ok, I guess.

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