Today, if Facebook posts are a reliable indicator, the Canadian women's hockey team won a gold medal. Like anyone gives a fuck about women's hockey. I don't mean to offend any women that read this but it's hockey - a sport so fucking dumb you really should know better. I know that women are smarter than men. I'm not trying to dig myself out of a hole here, they really are. Guys are so dumb they are even dumb about the things they are smart about. Like boats or guns. A guy who owns a boat will think he knows every fucking thing there is to know about boats and all of it will be wrong. And it isn't women who are threatening to kill Obama if he takes their guns away. Really, that is typical of male thinking - you took my toys away so I'm going to hit you. We are dumber than five year olds. My nephew knows how to share, how many adult men do?
So hockey. That's a guy thing. And that's not me being macho. It's the most damning condemnation I can pass on a thing. It's so fucking stupid only guys like it. Women, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Curling, on the other hand, is something women also do. And they do it because you can't just throw the fucking rock as hard as your steroidal muscles will manage. It's physics, timing, delicacy, and a strange kind of tactical thinking women are better at than men. The only reason men beat women at curling is because they sweep better. Put a female skip and lead with two male sweepers against a male skip and lead and two female sweepers and the female skip will win every time. Men are only good for sweeping. Wow, our culture really dropped the ball on that stereotype.
I'm not bitching about the Olympics just because I like to piss on other peoples' parades. Although that's definitely part of it. I also bitched about George Bush the Lesser invading Iraq. That was stupid, disingenuous, and genocidal. The Olympics are stupid, disingenuous, and boring. So Iraq wins on the losing scale.
Before this Olympics started everyone was talking about boycotting it because Putin is a homophobe. He's also a crazed monster whose politics are somewhere to the right of Attila. But the homophobic part really rubbed people the wrong way. But, homophobic or not, it's been a long time since Canada won double gold in Olympic hockey (since Salt Lake). I guess we better hope the next winter Olympics doesn't coincide with any major political upheaval that requires some canny intervention from the Great White North - or failing that, that the men's team gets eliminated early.
To be fair, I never gave much thought to how to respond to the official homophobia of the Russian state. In some way I always think it's nice when a nation does something as dumb as actually codifying the prejudices and idiocies everyone knows they. It makes them so much easier to mock. Look at the famous case of Dred Scott. America was racist as fuck before that and racist as fuck after it but people still gave their heads a shake when they heard the Supreme Court let that cat out of the bag. So when Russia passed its ridiculous anti-gay propaganda law, I thought we were in for some quality humour and, maybe, some very entertaining arrests during the ice dancing competitions. But the hotels were shit and people started posting funny pictures on Instagram and that was the end of the anti-gay bashing.
Maybe we'll get lucky and those mad bastard Brazilians will make some nutty laws before 2016. I think I wrote this before but if they make pro-gay propaganda mandatory, I will watch the entire Olympiad. From the opening to closing ceremonies, I will watch every mind numbing long jumping pole vaulting minute.
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