On the Honda Civic

Yesterday on my way home from work I got cut so hard by a Honda Civic I almost wound up in the ditch. Five minutes later, the same car stopped traffic in both lanes by trying to merge and winding up stuck at a forty five degree angle to traffic flow. When I got off the highway I got in behind another Honda Civic who blew through a solid red without slowing down. Then, on my way from the parking lot to my front door there was a head on collision right in front of my building - which is really rare on a one way street. Care to guess what kind of car was heading in the wrong direction?

Honda Civics are the Hannibal Lectors of the highway. And, like Hannibal, they can be very unassuming. My Mom bought one when she was in her sixties. You know that joke people make about used cars, "Used to be owned by a little old lady who only drove it to the grocery store once a week..." that was my Mom and her Civic. Still, if someone is going to do some completely psychotic shit to you on a highway - you know what they will be driving.

Maybe the psychos are attracted to the reliability, the reasonable price, and the high resale value.

When you spend time on the highways brands and models of cars take on personalities. Everyone thinks BMWs are the cocks of the road. And, while it is true I have met some, the shit people seem to associate with Beemers is mostly done by Toyotas. I think this is because most taxis are Toyotas. The mechanism that allows the assholery of cabbies to transfer itself to the brand as a whole remains a mystery. One presumes scientists are working on it.

My personal theory - nothing scientific about it - is owning a Toyota is such an awful, soul-killing experience the drivers need to spread the pain around just because they start to hate and resent the whole damn world.

And if you are going to get stuck behind someone doing 20 kph less than the rest of the traffic - they will be driving a Nissan. I would have said that clunking looking mini minivan would be the worst offender for this but it isn't. It's all Nissans except the supercar version.

My advice is this - don't get stuck behind a Nissan, in front of a Civic or beside a Toyota. If you have a choice nestle up close on to the bumper of one of those crossovers that looks like a jumped up hatchback (but not a Nissan Rogue or a Toyota Rav 4). Those people have a surburban sense of entitlement. They have worked hard for everything and they have and they aren't going to wait in traffic! And they really really really don't want to get a scratch on their brand new hatchback thing.