On Migraine

I suffer from migraines. Before I found a useful prophylactic medication I had two or three attacks a week. Sometimes they were merely irritating (like a very bad hangover) but most were incapacitating - sharp pain from any light or sound, weakness, dizziness, vertigo, vomiting, etc. Strangely, and yet not strangely for me, the thing I disliked most about migraines was the way the word was used. I'm not referring to people who believe (falsely) every bad headache is a migraine - if you haven't had an EEG, MRI, and at least one consulting neurologist confirm the diagnosis I don't believe you when you tell me you get migraines too. Another test, one I have administered with sadistic pleasure as often as people will allow me, is to run your fingers along the supraorbital process (the top bone of your eye socket) until you feel the notch. You can see it clearly in this illustration:

  Once you have found the notch, or ideally both notches, press on them with a little more pressure than you would use to restart your computer. After about 10 seconds this will simulate the effects of a mild migraine. Make sure the person on whom you are applying this test (after a question like, "What do migraines feel like?" or "Aren't migraines regular headaches?" or "Do you want an Advil?") knows you will release the pressure as soon as they ask and the pain will vanish immediately because otherwise the person to whom you are administering the "test" will never trust you again. Back to the word and its usage.

I think migraine should be used like diabetes. The proper description of the condition would then be "You have migraine", like "You have diabetes". And one would suffer from a migraine attack. That would sufficiently dramatize the situation for people who don't have migraine.

When I am wrapped in blankets with a thick black T-shirt (or towel) tied over my eyes and ears the proper word for it has always seemed to me to be "migrainous". MY-gruhn-US. It's an ugly word for an ugly condition. Unlike most people with migraine I don't get them from eating certain foods (except red wine which I don't drink anyway). Some people even get them from not eating - a particularly cruel aspect since one of the first things a migraine attack does is turns off digestion. When you first get the aura you can try to fend off the attack by eating carbohydrates, which works if you catch it in time. Sometimes an aura can last for hours and, during that time I my stomach will begin to stick out like a gourd. I don't know why digestion stops but my personal theory is a body in the midst of a migraine attack believes itself poisoned - hence the vomiting. So people who get attacks from not eating can't fend them off with carbs.

Some people have attacks that last days at a time. I am not that unlucky. Others have attacks that last only a few hours. I'm not that lucky. I need to fall asleep and give my body time to completely reset itself. I sometimes imagine how wonderful it would feel for a migraine to break like a fever; there one minute and gone the next. This is actually possible even for people like me for whom it does not occur naturally. Unfortunately, it requires a trip to the emergency room. When you are in the midst of an attack, travel is not something you want to consider. Five or six apartments ago I lived just a few blocks from the least busy Emergency Room I have ever found in any hospital ever. They got to know me there and knew I had migraine. If I woke up with one, something that happens frequently since the primary cause in my case seems to be abrupt changes in barometric pressure, I would make my way to that ER and they would inject me with something - five minutes later I would feel great. Or tired, depending on the time. It eventually occurred to me to ask for a shot of the miracle drug to carry with me like someone with severe anaphylaxis carries a Epi pen. They told me they couldn't do that because the "miracle drug" was morphine.

Given the government we are currently stuck with there is no way people diagnosed with migraine are ever going to be issued special Morph pens to carry around with them. If I am honest I have to admit that isn't a great idea. I don't think I would be as careful with my morph pen as someone with a peanut allergy is with their epi pen. I knew kids who used their epi pens as study aids. A morph pen would be that much greater a temptation.

The only other palliative I know (and sometimes it does nothing) is to fill a suitable container with ice cubes, salt, and water then wait until the whole mix gets below zero degrees. Then you stick both feet into the container and keep them in the solution as long as you can. I have no idea why this works but it sometimes does. Other than that your only option is the so-called "pain gate", the fact your body will only feel pain from one serious injury at a time. If I am having a really bad attack I will use some instrument to crush the web between my thumb and index finger. It hurts like you wouldn't believe and supersedes the migraine pain. When I let the pressure off there is a brief moment when both pains disappear. Repeat as necessary. This works with any nerve ending or pressure point. You can find your own on Youtube - look in self-defense videos.